


Good at Using and Hurting and Finally Leaving

by yuffiehighwind



Series: An Eternity in Cheese Country [41]
Category: Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: Dual Identity, Gen, Milwaukee, Modern Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2015-09-23
Packaged: 2018-04-23 02:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4860107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuffiehighwind/pseuds/yuffiehighwind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of "Just Friends," Veronica invites her old boyfriend Dennis to breakfast and unloads a doozy of a confession. He tries his best to comfort her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Good at Using and Hurting and Finally Leaving

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of the 'fic series "An Eternity in Cheese Country," and here's why - after they were killed by Callisto and Xena, the souls of Strife, Discord, and Deimos were reincarnated in the late 20th century into three humans named Steve, Veronica, and Dave.
> 
> Takes place just after the fanfic "Just Friends," overlapping with events in "Blanket."

It took Dennis a few passes before he spotted it. A squat gray building with a big sign above saying "Miss Katie's Diner." Breakfast, lunch, dinner, then "cocktails" in red italics, as if that were the most scintillating thing about the place, and not the fried eggs and bacon strips that surely awaited one inside.

Dennis parked his car and entered the restaurant. Designed just like an old '50s diner, the place was bustling with people. He looked around and spotted a dark mess of hair in the far corner, slouched in a booth. Dennis wasn't sure if the person really was Veronica. He walked over and tapped her on the shoulder. Big mistake. A hand with long nails immediately grabbed his wrist and yanked hard, bending his arm sharply and making him cry out. When she looked up to see who it was, she appeared sorry and let go.

"Don't sneak up on me like that."

Dennis sat down, rubbing his wrist. A waitress about to approach took a step back, turned, and decided to come back later.

"Don't _grab_ me like that!"

Veronica pouted. For as long as he'd known her, she never listened and did as she pleased. But this time, Dennis knew it had been an instinctive reaction. Veronica didn't like strangers touching her, and her former life - military training, Dennis told himself, unable to believe the "truth" - had made her well-versed in painful retaliation.

"So," Dennis said. "You picked a nice place."

Veronica rolled her eyes and perused the menu. "I found it on Trip Advisor." She threw up the hood of her gray sweatshirt and tightened it. It was bulky, covering most of what Dennis knew was a petite frame. Veronica was wearing none of her usual makeup but for red lipstick. He could see flecks of concealer beneath her bagged eyelids and that was all.

"If you're ready to order, m'am, would you like the regular?" The waitress had returned without them noticing, paper and pencil in hand.

"The 'regular?'" Dennis said, lip quirked in amusement.

Veronica mumbled, "Yes. Dennis?"

"I'll just have a cup of coffee and a blueberry muffin." He handed the waitress their menus. "Thanks sweetheart." Turning to Veronica, he asked, "So this is your regular joint, huh?"

"You can say that."

After some tense silence, Dennis asked, "Why did you invite me here, again?"

Veronica sighed, and it seemed like she'd shrunk even further into her hoodie.

"I...need to get something off my chest."

"Veronica, I'm not your therapist anymore. I'm not your boyfriend. We're not even _friends_. So why'd you choose _my_ time to waste?"

"It's not a waste of time!" Veronica barked, then retreated back into a slouch, eyes avoiding Dennis and gazing at a nearby family instead. A couple with two small children, a boy and a girl. The boy was being rowdy, the mother trying to quiet him and failing. She placated him with a forkful of waffle and that seemed to do the trick.

"Okay, well, make it fast. I have places to be."

"You lost your job, Dennis."

"I quit. There's a difference."

"Only so that the law wouldn't come after you for _fraud_."

"Fine, you caught me. But that's not why we came here today. Apparently we came here to--"

The waitress returned with two mugs and filled them with coffee.

"Would you like anything else while you wait?"

"Two waters," said Veronica, leaving out the "please." That was her, though. She didn't believe in pleasantries.

This had rubbed off on Dennis, who asked, "How long does it usually take to prepare a single muffin?"

"I'm sorry, sir. I'll go get that right away." The waitress left and Dennis turned his attention back to Veronica, who was still watching the family. The father noticed and gave her a puzzled look. She shifted her gaze to Dennis instead.

"Deimos moved in."

Dennis was used to Veronica using alternate names for her cousins. To him, he was 'Dave.'

Dennis took a sip of coffee and said, "Finally tied him down, huh? Good for you."

Veronica didn't smile at this. Her face was stone cold, but for a trace of sorrow.

"Strife moved out."

Dennis put down the mug and softly coughed. _Oh, boy_.

"And how does that make you feel?" Dennis asked, channeling his old shrink persona. Without any actual training, he found prodding the patient with questions and letting them analyze themselves was the best strategy. It was what the professionals did, anyway.

"How do you think it makes me feel?" Veronica asked bitterly. "Look at me."

Dennis sighed. "Veronica, I'm sorry your roommate left, but with your boyfriend moving in, three's kind of a crowd."

"You don't get it. It's all my fault. I drove him away."

"You drove me away, too, but I don't hate you for it. You two will be fine."

"No, this is different. I...I did a bad thing. A very bad thing."

Veronica looked guilty, which was an alien feature on her. It was so strange it made Dennis a little sad, even protective, and want to give her a hug. The other part of him wanted to slap her, remind her she was the Goddess of Discord dammit, and tell her to get her shit together. That's what the delusional woman would want to hear.

Before Dennis could tell her this,Veronica said, "Would you believe me if I told you Strife was my son?"

A long silence followed, Veronica deathly serious, Dennis just staring into her eyes unsure what to say or why she was telling him this. It was impossible, of course, but so was everything this woman claimed was true.

The waitress returned with Dennis' muffin and Veronica's meal. Two poached eggs over char-broiled Italian sausage links, with hash browns and toast on the side. Veronica poked one egg with her fork and gooey yolk spilled over the links. She cut a piece off but didn't bring it to her lips. Instead, she put her fork down and continued.

"Well he's my son, but I haven't exactly been maternal. I've done and said some things I can never take back."

Veronica brushed hair out of her eyes and twisted her fingers in the string of her hoodie. She stared blankly at the egg yolk oozing over her sausages; Dennis' gaze never left her face.

"I've betrayed him. Failed him. Wasn't there to protect him." Eyes watery, Veronica bit her lip. "He died thinking I didn't care about him. And the worst thing, the absolute _worst_ thing, is that I didn't. You know what I said when he died?"

Dennis shook his head.

"I remember it exactly. I don't know why, but I do. 'He was a geek with the IQ of a sponge.'" Veronica chuckled mirthlessly. "'Take my word for it, Ares, he's better off dead.'" She wiped her watery eyes, trying to hold back tears. "I was a terrible mother, Dennis. And a worse friend."

"No," Dennis said, totally lying, but at a loss for what else to say. He reached across the table to offer his hand, but she didn't take it. "You may have been a shitty mom then, but you're not a bad friend to him now. At least, from what I gather. The three of you were pretty fucking dysfunctional when I met you, but things improved. Over time. He forgave you."

"Not this."

"Which part? Not protecting him from Callisto?" When Veronica looked up quizzically, Dennis replied, "I remember some of our tamer sessions, okay? You used to rail on her all the time in the beginning, and you never even met."

"She caused a lot more problems for the pantheon than offing a minor deity. That time traveling cu--"

"I get it. Super complicated."

"He won't forgive me for this latest...transgression."

"What happened?"

Veronica absently poked her meal with a fork.

"You don't want to know. Just know that..." Veronica trailed off, thinking.

"Know what?"

"I wish I could go back and do it all over again. Do it right. Show him love instead of indifference."

Dennis repeated something he'd heard Veronica say many times over the years.

"I thought war gods couldn't love?"

"They couldn't. They can't." Veronica sighed. "We're incapable." 

"That's obviously not true now."

"Well, we were still capable of forming strong bonds." Veronica smiled slightly. "Sometimes we'd do this thing where we...Well, it's stupid."

"No, what is it?"

"Okay, so, I only ever did this with Strife, okay? It's super lame."

"Shoot."

"You hold hands, right? Both hands. And you sort of...Well you don't use your offensive lightning. That happened to us once, and wow, it fucking hurt! No, you use your, like...Your energy. You share it. Pass it back and forth. It feels kinda good. Really tingly. Then you use that combined power to, oh I dunno, destroy a building, or a town or something. We'd practice on animals. It's easy enough to vaporize them on your own, but it's not as fun."

Veronica smiled at the memory, and Dennis thought maybe she was coming around and he could _leave_.

"I've never done that with Deimos."

"Oh?"

"We used to fuck all the time. I guess he was my 'boyfriend' or whatever." Veronica said this with airquotes, making a disgusted face. "So it was a little different. We never cuddled or held hands or anything. That'd be weird."

"Weirder than cuddling _Strife?_ "

Veronica laughed. "You couldn't get Strife to sit down never mind lie down. Unless we were injured or something. And when he was little. It seems so _wrong_ , so...screwed up, now, after everything we've been through, but I can remember holding Strife as a baby and rocking him to sleep."

"And Deimos?"

"He used to sneak up on us, teleport around the room chasing his cousin Strife, who was a 'teenager' then. He couldn't stand the little white-haired brat."

Dennis sipped his coffee, eyeing the door. He flagged a waitress to ask for the check.

"Deimos told me he was crushed by a cart. Which is so absurd I cannot believe it. At least I died a warrior's death."

"A foolish one's."

"Oh, don't start."

"You ran head on at a woman with a sword."

"I had one too!"

"She was _magic_."

"So was I!"

Dennis sighed. Even when he indulged Veronica's fantasies, she would argue he was wrong.

"You've...sat with Deimos a few times over the years, haven't you?"

Dennis wondered where this new line of questioning was coming from, cautiously replying, "With great reluctance, yes."

Veronica's anger had sunk into sorrow again. Her breakfast getting cold.

"Did he ever tell you what it was like watching me die?"

Dennis had never been sure how to address Veronica's insistence she was reincarnated except to give in and accept this was her reality. In dating her, it had become his. She'd broken up with him for failing to accept it. She'd gone back to Dave, who only encouraged her. It had always seemed like Steve was the level-headed one in the group, the one who might guide them back to reality, which sharply contrasted with his personality in Veronica's stories.

She'd told him many stories when he was her doctor and when they were dating. Mostly to try and convince him at least one of them was true. The way she would cry when she imagined/remembered her last day as a goddess always broke Dennis' heart, in spite of himself.

"Did he?" she repeated.

"Um, no," Dennis replied. "No he didn't. Mostly he just asked how big my penis was."

Veronica grinned. "That sounds about right."

"Yeah. Why do you ask, Veronica? What's going on?"

"You know what he felt the moment I died, he said? He said, on days I would lie in bed and not move for hours and hours? Staring at the ceiling and wishing for my old body? Praying over and over to Nyx. You know what he said?"

"What, Discord?"

"That he felt _rage_."

Veronica's expression was a complex mix of jealousy, self-hatred, gratitude, and sorrow. She started to cry. 

"He loves you," Dennis said, repeating something Dave _had_ said to him, right after insisting he had a larger penis and was better at using it.

This was not the response Veronica was looking for. The waitress had come over with the check, softly dropped it on the table, then scurried away to give them some privacy. The family at the next table kept looking over and Dennis wanted Veronica to stop crying but also didn't feel right dragging her out and away from her breakfast, just because she was showing some emotion. War gods couldn't love, she'd said. They were incapable. As a former therapist, he should be glad this trio of misfits had made progress.

Veronica covered her face in her hands. Between her fingers, she continued.

"Rage, he said. He told me he'd wanted revenge more than anything, but I think that must be a lie. Everything had been turned upside down in a matter of minutes."

"You feared for your lives."

"We feared for our _existence._ And yet this one brash idiot, he wants to charge back into battle for _me?_ Who would _do_ that? Deimos was a _coward!_ Laughable as a war god. Terrible at his job. He's even terrible at the job he has _now!_ And he only ever looked out for himself."

"I told you already, he loves you."

"But who would ever love _me?_ "

Dennis took her hands in his, both hands, and if they were gods he could send his energy to her. All he could do as a human was softly caress her thumb with his own.

"Apparently he did." Dennis squeezed her fingers. "This is about Strife, right? How you suppressed your feelings about his death?"

"Like I said, I didn't _have_ any--"

"But you did. You said the two of you were friends. That you cared for him as a baby. You _cared_ , at least at some point. Maybe not then, but you're not totally heartless, Discord. At least not now. We humans can't help it. Even when we want to shut ourselves down completely, it's impossible." Dennis chuckled. "As impossible as your stories."

Veronica's tears dried, and Dennis withdrew his hands.

"I gotta go, sweetheart. But you have a good breakfast. Have them reheat it."

Dennis got up to leave, patting her head on the way out.

Veronica had told him countless untruths, and yet he felt worst about his own lie. Dave had never _explicitly_ said anything about love. The man told Dennis he couldn't live without her, and from the way his voice hitched when he said it, Dennis knew he didn't mean financially. But Dave being in love with her? Dennis just thought that was something Veronica would want - need - to hear.

But if Xena was real, if the gods really did face their deaths that day, some determined to stay and fight, some running to hide? Dave did an incredibly brave thing. And why else does anyone do stupid, brave things after seeing something as horrific as that happen to someone they call friend?

Dennis unlocked his car and got inside. Damn, he'd forgotten to offer some cash for breakfast. No matter. Knowing Veronica, she'd probably just dine and dash.

There, that was her climbing out the bathroom window. Dennis grinned. The kid would be just fine.

**Author's Note:**

> The title is a lyric from the song "Incapable of Love" by Dexys.
> 
> Discord's line about Strife, that "he's better off dead," is from S4E16 of HTLJ, "Porkules."
> 
> [Miss Katie's Diner](http://www.miss-katies.com/) is a real restaurant in Milwaukee, located on West Clybourn Street.


End file.
